Let me tell you a quick story about a conversation I had with my husband about emotions many years ago… and what you can learn from it.

We were standing in the kitchen as I recall. I was getting on him about something. Confession: As hard as I am on myself, I am almost just as hard on others, especially when I hold them in a high regard. In this moment I was taking aim at my partner in life, my husband.

I couldn’t tell you what we were fussing about. It didn’t matter after he said this:

“Just because I’m as big of a guy as I am, it doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings,” he asserted with an equally authoritative and sincere tone.

I don’t know if my mouth dropped open, but I certainly felt an internal gasp. My heart cracked. And, simultaneously, I had never been prouder of him. This is a guy who preaches pushing tough things to the back of his mind to get through daily life, yet here he was, feeling safe enough to look me in the eye to tell me his feelings were valid.

Immediately, I knew he was right. I had been looking at him as not just my husband, but as the 6’2”, 270-pound former basketball playing guy who turns wrenches for a living and has never backed down from a fight with the scars on his knuckles to prove it. I viewed him as the guy with the shoulders—literally and figuratively—big enough to pick up whatever I threw at him.

That one sentenced changed so very much for me. While I know I can always lean on him and he will always, always be there for me no matter what, I learned that I can’t just say whatever it is I want to say and expect him to take it. I can’t just assume that things don’t bother him because he’s a big, tough guy.

It surprised me the most that I was acting that way when I knew better that emotions are an inevitable part of who every single person is.

It changed not only how I approached my conversations with him, but also how I check myself in conversations with other people, particularly men. (It’s probably why 99% of my clients are men.)

Additionally, what I gained from this is a perspective of what it means to support someone who has a tough aura. Surely, if I can easily make this misstep with my own husband, then other loved ones, friends, and colleagues can do the same with the athlete in their life.

This perspective is critical for athletes and those around them. We can’t forget that despite their physical capabilities, stature, or swag, that they are still just people.

Keys to the game:

• If you’re a human, you’re not an emotionless robot. (Perspective twist: If they are a human, they are not an emotionless robot.)
• Sometimes we all need someone to provide a safe, confidential, and nonjudgmental space to unpack tough emotions… no matter what we look like or how tough we act.

Need someone to hold that space for you? Join a one-on-one VIP coaching program with me so I can be the one who helps you work through tough emotions, inner conflict, and worries and fears in a safe space.