Typically, fighting and sensitivity in a competitive sports landscape don’t go together, at least in theory. Athletes are taught “mental toughness,” part of which is learning how to not let their opponent, or even their own performance, get into his or her head. The truth of the matter, however, is that some of the toughest athletes I know are also highly sensitive people.

Taking things to heart is something a lot of people wrestle with internally, but few admit to out of a fear of appearing weak. Recently, I had a conversation with someone that got me thinking specifically about competitors who take things to heart and how it’s probably both fairly common and something that I’m certain links many people together, and yet it’s kept on the hush.

Here’s how one conversation evolved into this observation and the subsequent story that you’re now reading…

I know a former MMA fighter who is now a coach/trainer. He was chatting with me during a training session in the gym and what he said both deeply resonated with me in the moment and lingered in my mind days later as poetic justice.

I’ve known this trainer for many years and as many trainers will tell you, people naturally talk about their life and their problems during training sessions. It just seems to go with the territory. And that’s where I found myself on this particular afternoon on a leg press machine in the corner of a packed, energetic gym.

I had been going through a particularly stressful stretch of time. As I went through the motions of completing sets of alternating the leg press with walking lunges, it was obvious that I was distracted. My mind was not in my usual “give it all you got in the gym” mode. I wasn’t pushing to my full potential and apologized for being so distracted.

In between sets, we began to talk about how exercising is an incredible emotional outlet. As I picked up the dumbbells for my next set of walking lunges, I started talking about how I take things to heart, so the physical release of exercise really helps relieve that stress. He smiled of what can only be described as an expression of both relief and recognition as he told me that he also struggles with that. As he motioned to me to start the next set, he mentioned that he struggles with verbally expressing his anger, especially in the moment of confrontation. “I just can’t seem to find the words,” he said.

Huh, I thought. Even well-trained, highly disciplined martial arts fighters can have emotional weaknesses in their personal lives. It shouldn’t have surprised me given all that I know and believe about the emotional part of being human, yet for as long as I’ve known this person, I never would have guessed this to be true about him. It’s not just because he is a fighter, but because we’ve had spiritual conversations before that day and he always seemed to have things figured out. Adding to that, I consider fighting, martial arts, and MMA to be its own spiritual practice in a way because of the discipline and mindset that is engrained in the training.

The reality we’re all just humans was glaring me in the face. Literally.

The conversation went on, but it got me thinking. How many people become fighters (metaphorical or literal) because they take things to heart? (Raising my hand.)

I have a saying. Maybe you’ve heard me say it before…

When I’m asked to describe myself, I respond by saying, “I have the heart of a fighter and the soul a peacemaker.” And, I’m damn proud of that.

That phrase came to me one day when I was reflecting on the paradoxical parts of my life that make me, me. Even upon realizing this, I still find that sometimes I’m in a place of conflict between the two—fighter and peacemaker. Peacemaker is nature, fighter is nurture arising from my experiences in this life and my need for both peace and justice.

So, as I listened to this person talk, I wondered how many athletes take things to heart and how that might create an inner conflict in a world where you’re expected to fight and compete with little regard for your opponent in your quest to win. An abundance of questions rushed through my mind.

Is the fighting an outlet for all of the emotions stored up in the heart?

Is it a way of showing the world, and yourself, that you will not be defined as a highly sensitive person (or HSP as it’s known)?

What happens if you lose the fight or competition?

Does that then become another layer of what you absorb in your emotions?

Where does all that energy eventually go?

How does it affect the decisions we make?

Are the most competitive fighters and athletes the ones who feel the most? The ones who have the most “heart” as we commonly say?

I think it all circles back to fighting and competing. Turning “sensitive emotion” into an aggressive and tough physical outlet. Let’s face it, it’s easier to control our physical output than it is to control our emotions. So, maybe some of us HSPs turn our inner conflict outward as a way to channel all of that infinite emotional energy.

Emotions are messy and complicated with lots of gray areas. Fighting and competing are also messy, but they produce a definitive result of a winner and a loser. That’s comforting to an emotional person.

Think of all of the times you’ve seen an athlete explode with emotion—for better or for worse that’s an expression of something in his or her heart. It’s a never-ending circle of heart, effort, and results.

Adding yet another layer, mental health issues can arise from not understanding your emotions. This is because sometimes pent-up emotions—the things in your heart—become issues such as anxiety or overactive aggressive because your brain and your body need to do something with all of that energy. It doesn’t always happen that way, but it can, and it has for many people.

If taking things to heart is something you struggle with, try finding a phrase to help you remember to not take things so personally. Here are a few examples:

• This is not my stuff to own.
• This is not a reflection of my worthiness as a person.
• I own how I’m feeling; I’m only human.
• I can’t control other people’s thoughts, words, actions, or emotions.
• I choose peace.
• I pick the battles I participate in.
• I leave it all in the ring, the gym, the office, or wherever you “fight” or “compete” and then I let it go.
• Or something as silly as the old adage, “I’m rubber, you’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.”

Wherever you find yourself in life, self-reflection and emotional intelligence can go a long, long way in helping you navigate your life as peaceful as possible. You just have to be willing to fight for it.

Want to work on this more in your own life? Contact me about coaching.