Act right. Get over it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Toughen up. Everyone has problems so deal with it.

These are just some of the phrases I’ve heard over the years being told to me or to someone else suffering from a mental health problem.

I believe in tough love. I really do. There’s an element in tough love that teaches you to be self-reliant and take responsibility for your own life. But, I also know that mental illness isn’t always as simple as making a choice. There’s no “get over it” switch that you can turn on and magically be healed.

People have a habit of assuming that because they cope with stress, emotions, and problems in one way, that everyone else should be able to do the same. False and wildly unfair.

Let’s talk for a moment about choices.

You have the choice to seek help with healing or not. You have the choice to take the steps each and every day to do your best to heal.

You do not have a choice in the timeframe that it will take for you to heal because mental wellness has layers that are unique to each individual, and they are often invisible.

Mental illness and mental health issues most often don’t feel like a choice.

Why? The best way to answer this is with one question: Given a choice, who wouldn’t want to feel good, pain-free, and at peace?

It doesn’t matter what the source of the issue is because the source is an individualized, complicated, unseen abundance of layers and none of us come with a personalized how-to manual.

I adamantly believe that there is a spiritual component to our lives, which means that there are things we all have to go through for reasons we may never understand. It doesn’t mean that we are doomed to suffer but it does mean that we will all be faced with challenges and hurdles that again, given another option, we would rather not have to deal with.

For some people, that challenge/hurdle is a mental illness or a mental health issue. Because it can be so complicated, the person may not understand what is going on with them, let alone how to get help.

If this sounds like you or a loved one, I wrote an article about depression that may be a helpful starting place. If you want to speak more, please contact me here.