Everyone needs to be heard and to feel heard. People who are struggling with mental health often feel immensely wrapped up in his or her thoughts. This can lead them to feel like a burden because they might also feel that no one wants to hear about their problems. This feeling can be symptomatic of anxiety and depression; nonetheless, they may reach out and need someone to listen with empathy.
I spoke with a friend this week that reached out because he wanted help with something related to his business. Immediately, it was clear to me that something more was going on. The conversation took place over text message. His messages were jumpy going from one issue to the next and back again. The conversation quickly evolved into how he was struggling with his mental health. He felt selfish, unloved, and like he was a burden and a failure because of what was going on in his business.
I made a decision to be a listener (which you don’t always have to do, but more on that below). His issues didn’t have anything to do with me, which is probably why I was a good resource for him.
When he said he didn’t want to talk anymore, I said, “okay” and when he text me back roughly 20 minutes later, I invited him to continue to chat. Eventually, he seemed more relaxed.
The bottom line is this person in this particular situation just needed an open ear and I was willing to be that ear. Both are roles that we all play sometimes.
Mental health emotions are complicated.
People who struggle with mental health may go through periods where they feel okay and times when they don’t. For example, a person may start his or her day feeling great. Maybe they even feel great for a few days, weeks or months. Then, maybe something happens and they experience an onset of symptoms like an anxiety attack.
Mental health issues can feel like a rollercoaster for the individual. Even with all of the mental wellness tools in the world, he or she may fall sometimes.
It’s an incredibly personal journey so it can feel lonely and isolating. It can also be exceptionally confusing, which makes talking about it and person-to-person contact all the more helpful.
Even without mental health a disorder, every single person knows what the highs and lows of emotions feel like.
While I strongly believe that no one person is responsible for anyone else’s wellbeing, I also strongly believe that people need people.
People want to be heard for very simple reasons.
- They need to express how they feel.
- They need to feel supported (i.e., they are not alone, their feelings are valid, etc.).
- They need to feel that their voice matters to someone.
- They need to say it in order to understand it for themselves.
- They are reaching out for help.
How to listen to someone struggling with mental health:
“Most people experiencing distressing emotions and thoughts want an empathetic listener before being offered helpful options and resources.”
— Mental Health First Aid USA manual
- Let them talk, text, whatever.
- Help them feel supported while they speak by nodding, offering encouragement, or simply saying, “I understand.”
- Be mindful about offering advice. Sometimes the person really just wants to feel empathy from the listener so when you are speaking to someone it could be that they aren’t looking for a solution, but rather someone to listen while offering encouragement that things will work out.
- Put your ego to the side. Be nonjudgmental by doing your best to be objective.
Important: If someone is having a mental health crisis, check out these tips from MentalHealth.gov on how to talk about mental health (Remember, I’m not a therapist or a licensed mental health professional. I write based on my experiences.)
When not to listen:
You don’t have to be a resource for every single person you know. Sometimes people want to talk about painful things and if you’ve experienced similar pain but have yet to heal from it, that conversation can make you feel worse.
It’s okay to say something like, “I’m not the right person to talk to about this, but I support you. Let’s call someone together.” At that time you can offer these resources so that the person is still supported.
There are times when we need someone to listen and we need to be the listener. No matter which side of the conversation you’re on, it can be healing.
Want to chat more? Contact me here.