Are opinions from others disturbing your peace? Has someone ever said something negative to you that stuck? Does the emotional or cognitive memory of that statement (or statements), make you second-guess yourself? Does it fuel a fire within you to excel yet you are still the one who feels burned?
It’s human nature to allow other people’s opinions to hurt us. Everyone wants to feel loved and negative words or disapproval can throw a wrinkle in that. Whether it’s something said from a perfect stranger, a loved one, a role model, etc. it doesn’t matter if it hurts you and sticks with you.
What can you do?
Ideally, you want to let it go so that the emotion from the memory is healed and no longer feels like it’s stuck to you. Detaching your feelings about yourself as a result of their words with such clichés as “sticks and stones” or “I’m rubber, you’re glue” are only so helpful. It’s important to develop a new meaningful perspective.
Three Questions to Help Change Your Perspective
- There are billions of people in the world. Why are you holding onto the opinion of just one of those people?
- Everyone views and responds/reacts to life through their own beliefs and experiences, none of which have anything to do with you. What did you do to make them think that way? The bottom line is that their choice in their opinion and view of the world actually has absolutely nothing to do with you.
- True or false: You get to choose your own opinions, including the ones you make of yourself?
Remind yourself that when the words of someone else’s opinion echo in your thoughts, that these words and those thoughts don’t actually belong to you; they belong to someone else. Instead, replace those thoughts with what you actually believe to be true about yourself.
“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
This is one of my favorites quotes. I’ve often reminded myself of this when I find myself getting tripped up on something someone said. Sometimes, I’ll even laugh thinking that the person actually has super stinky feet to break up the tension I’m feeling.
In reality, we all have “dirty feet.” That comes from our experiences, and it’s what makes us human.
I dare you to find one person who has never made a mistake and has it all figured out.
What if they really do want what’s best for you?
Here’s what’s on the other side of this, sometimes, people tell us things and we may not want to believe them, but we instinctively know that they are right; there’s something within ourselves we need to address. As an example, if you’re doing something that you know is extremely unhealthy, yet for whatever reason, you keep doing it, someone might check you on that because they care about you.
Your head, your heart, and your gut aren’t always in alignment. When I’m not clear, I lean on my gut instinct, whether I like what it’s telling me or not. (And, if I can’t feel my gut, because all I hear are my own thoughts, I know I have work to do.) Ultimately, I have to be the one who decides what to do with that and be okay with whatever decision I make. Even if that decision of action or non-action changes later, at least you know where you stand with yourself.
Understand that you never have to accept anyone’s opinion and if you do, it doesn’t mean that you have to follow whatever guidance they tried to give you in a way that would make them happy.
What it means is it might be time to take a deep breath and be real with yourself. What do you really want? Is there any truth at all to what they said? Are you getting in your own way of the happiness that you seek?
In summary, if it’s destructive, find a new perspective to help you let it go. If it’s a truth bomb you’ve been avoiding, give yourself the space to decide what’s right for you.
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