The topic of identity and character comes up a lot in the conversations that I have with athletes, especially when it comes to purpose after sports. So many athletes struggle with this.

As a business owner for more than 15 years, I can understand this because most of my life has been spent building this one career. When I decided to get into coaching, I had to shift from feeling like my identity was this business that I had built and spent an incredible amount of time and energy on. I had given so much to it, that it felt like it was me. Eventually, I realized that building that business was just something I did, and I can do something else too. It’s not who I am and, I hope, not what people will focus on when they talk about me when I’m gone.

Just the other day I was having this conversation with an athlete. He felt that as an athlete, he had to live up to a certain character. In his mind, he had to be what people expected him to be. We laughed about this as it reminded both of us of Kevin Hart’s skit about hanging out with athletes. “See the way my bank account is set up…” But, creating and living up to this character was hurting him. He didn’t know who he was. Naturally, when you don’t know who you are, you suffer.

Our conversation led to the topic of purpose. I don’t think purpose is a magical mythical single thing that you have to obtain or you have failed at life. You are always growing, and as you do so, your path and therefore your purpose organically evolve. You have many gifts and many ways to serve. The key is to get quiet enough to connect with yourself so you can gain an inner understanding of what’s right for you, and then you can do the work to let the path unfold. From there, you just have to keep getting quiet to hear that inner guidance so that you can take aligned action steps.

He was still confused. It all sounded great, but how do you do that?

For starters, I told him, you have to redefine what you mean by identity. Your identity is not your occupation or even your hobby. It’s not what you do or don’t do. Your identity isn’t your successes or your failures. It’s not a label at all, actually. Your identity is your character. Who are you as a person?

I asked him to then give me some examples of definitions of character. He gave me answers like:

• Loyal
• Trusting
• Giving
• Loving

These are all great answers, I told him. Then I asked him, when people talk about Jesus, do they primarily say he was a carpenter, or do they talk mostly talk about his character and all of the ways that he served others? He nodded.  We were starting to get somewhere.

The work is to be yourself authentically and holistically. You accomplish this through giving yourself the quiet space and time to sit with yourself, hear yourself, and get to know yourself. There is a real spiritual connection between your soul and your human experience. When you give yourself space and time to create inner stillness, you can begin to understand who you are and who you want to be.

Keys to the Game:

• If you’re confused about your path and who you are, spend some time getting quiet. You may want to try meditating or journaling. When you get to this balanced inner place, you will find that the answers become clearer.
• Your identity/purpose isn’t one single thing, and it will evolve as you evolve.
• If you’re always busy and distracted, of course you’ll be confused. You’re completely disconnected from your inner self. Disconnect to reconnect.
• Your identity isn’t what you do or don’t do. You are not your successes or your failures. Your identity is genuinely being who you are.