I was in the middle of a meeting when my most recent panic attack occurred. I don’t have them often, but I know that feeling. It’s an unmistakable feeling of panic. I felt like my insides were shaking while mixed emotions were bubbling over. I wanted to scream and release the pressure, but I was in a professional environment. I was feeling an enormous amount of pressure like I was doing too much but not enough all at the same time.

I wanted to run away, and I probably could have because it was a Zoom meeting, but people were asking me questions and so I felt I had to participate. I took deep breaths and zoned out when it wasn’t my turn to speak so that I could try to calm my mind. Luckily, I wasn’t experiencing a symptom that made it feel hard to breathe or made me cry, so I felt I could get through it. But I did have to watch my tone of voice because I was most definitely jumpy. In hindsight, I should have excused myself from the meeting altogether but at the moment, I was caught off guard and questioning if what I was feeling was real. Meanwhile, I could see my arm was shaking. Next time, I’ll just excuse myself. 

When the meeting ended, I grabbed a towel, a notepad, a pencil, and my headphones, a glass of water, and jetted outside to sit under a tree in a calming space in my yard. I needed a safe space where I could get grounded and come down from what had just happened. I listened to music and stared up at the tree noticing intricate spider webs between the branches above me. I needed to focus on something real (nature is the perfect solution) and breathe fresh air. 

I shared this on my Instagram stories because I wanted to show people what it’s like. I also wanted people to know that even though you may think you have to appear to be perfect, no one is in real life. It was also important to me that people understand that even someone like me—a mental health coach—can have things happen to throw them off balance.

It dawned on me that I had been neglecting my self-care. I have been going through an exceptionally challenging time with transitions in my work life. Some of it is really exciting, and so I can admit that I thought this feel-good emotion was enough to balance out all the stress and pressure. Plus, my physical exercise was on point, and in fact, I had just been to the gym that morning for leg day followed by a boxing workout.

So, what was my problem? Well, I think I was most certainly overdoing it under the disguise of “doing what needs to be done no matter how I feel.” (“Toughness” is an adolescent habit I’m still working to redefine.) I put a lot of pressure on myself, and not a healthy kind. I also think a major contributing factor was that I wasn’t allowing myself time for inner stillness because looking back, I felt I didn’t have time to stop or pause that momentum. I wasn’t practicing meditation or breathing exercises regularly and coming back to a balanced place of center. Even with keeping up with my exercise routine, the stress and pressure caught up to me, and needed to get out, which is probably why I had the panic attack.

Another contributing factor? I was trying too hard to keep up, instead of taking things one-by-one and taking frequent breaks when I felt anxiety and internal shakiness set in.

Again, I share this because we all get off track. What’s important is that we learn to do better, and actually take the steps to do better.

Keys to the game:

• Listen to the cues from your body and your emotions. If you feel off-balanced, pause and regain your inner stillness.
• Take it day by day, task by task, and moment by moment. Most importantly, take breaks as needed.
• There is no time constraint on grounding your mind/body/soul so allow yourself to go through your process which may be different in different situations.
• You can only be “tough” for so long before you break.
• Have a coping toolkit that you can turn to when things go awry. This should include someone who you can speak to in a safe space.
• When you need a moment, take a moment. Instead of trying to shake it off, take a moment to validate how you’re feeling and check in with yourself on what it is that you really need in that moment.

Are you taking care of yourself properly during stressful life changes? Join a one-on-one VIP coaching program with me so you can unpack the heavy stuff and move forward with confidence.