Perfectionism is a complex personality trait that for some starts as early as childhood. It involves the desire to do things well, but also an intense fear of failure or negative judgment. A perfectionist student athlete strives for flawlessness in their actions and work, which can be both a positive and negative thing. In some cases, this can be an asset that pushes student athletes to achieve more than they would have otherwise. But it can also become a liability if it’s not managed properly. Perfectionists may feel pressure when competing because of their own high standards as well as external pressures from parents, coaches, teammates, and even opponents. Knowing how to help them cope with pressure will help them succeed in the long run, both in and out of sports.
“Research ties perfectionism in children and adolescents to a range of negative feelings and behaviors, including anxiety, depression, burnout, overthinking, self-criticism, social stress, sadness, test anxiety, sleep problems, and eating disorders. It can hamper creativity, mess with concentration and lead to procrastination and academic avoidance.” (“What to Do if Your Child Is a Perfectionist | U.S. News”)[1]
Why Student Athletes Feel Pressured
What is the difference between pressure and stress? Stress is an inevitable part of everyday life. It is the normal response to a situation or environment that poses a threat to health or safety. Stressful situations can range from occasional, short-term events like taking a major exam or competing in a big game. Stress can be thought of as a “good” thing, because it energizes you, focuses your attention and helps you meet challenges. However, when stress becomes excessive and lasts for an extended period of time it can lead to problems with physical and mental health.
There are a variety of reasons kids today feel the pressure to be perfect. As standards rise, students must up their level of performance to be competitive. Additionally, children may pick up perfectionist tendencies from a variety of sources including social media or trauma. Parents may also inadvertently push their children towards perfection by only praising excellence, and on the opposite end of the spectrum, never allowing children to experience failure. This can all lead to mounting pressure to succeed, which can affect a child’s motivation and mental health.
Limiting Beliefs of Perfectionists
While the desire to attain exceptional results is admirable, perfectionists often set their goals too high and hold themselves to impossibly high standards. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and disappointment, which can have a detrimental impact on athletic performance as well as other areas in life. It can also lead to burnout. Perfectionist athletes often have limiting beliefs that can be harmful because they have such high standards for themselves. Some examples of these include thoughts like, I must win. I must be the best. I can’t make any mistakes. I must be perfect. While there are a few people who manage to meet these impossibly high standards, most people don’t. Even those who do reach it will not be able to sustain that level of performance forever or at all times.
5 Ways to Help Your Perfectionist Student Athlete Cope with Pressure
- Teach Your Athlete Some Stress Management Skills – Learning stress management skills is a crucial part of helping your athlete cope with pressure. Developing a healthy mindset is imperative because it can include positive thinking, problem-solving, coping with disappointment, and setting attainable goals. Sports psychologists have found that visual imagery is another effective way to manage stress and anxiety. You can help your student athletes learn these skills by talking to them about what stress is and how it affects the body. You can also explain how they can manage their stress through activities like deep breathing, nutrition, and journaling.
- Encourage Communication with Coaches and Teammates – When your student athlete feels like they need support, encourage them to speak with a coach or trusted teammate. Talking about their emotions and worries has been proven to help reduce stress and improve mental health. This can be especially helpful for athletes who suffer from anxiety and find it difficult to communicate their emotions. Peer support can have a huge impact because it makes the individual not feel so alone, gives them a place to share their struggles with others who understand, and also builds team camaraderie.
- Build Up Their Self-Confidence – Athletes who feel stressed out and anxious may look to unhealthy coping mechanisms, like alcohol or drugs, however, what they may really be searching for is a sense of self-confidence, self-worth, and safety. Your student athlete may not have thought about their self-worth and self-esteem, but it’s a crucial part of helping them cope with pressure. You can help your student athletes build up their self-confidence by encouraging them to focus on solutions, rather than problems. Direct them to focus on a challenge that they previously overcame to remind them that they are capable of overcoming advertising. In addition, have them make a list of everything they are proud of themselves for. You can also help them build self-confidence through positive affirmations like, “Even when I fail or make mistakes, I am safe and valuable. I do my best and keep trying. I am capable of overcoming challenges.”
- Don’t Be Afraid to Set Flexible Boundaries For Your Athlete – Parents do their best, but sometimes those actions can unintentionally interfere with a student athlete’s development. Many parents make the mistake of parenting like they were parented because they “turned out fine.” While that may be true, there are ways to approach parenting a child with perfectionist tendencies. Some common mistakes that parents make are being overly invested in their child’s athletic career (the child then interprets this to mean that their value to their family is based on being an athlete); being reluctant to set boundaries for their child, hoping to protect them from any perceived failure (the child then is afraid to experience failure because they haven’t begun to develop resiliency); and expecting too much from their student athletes. Even if none of these sounds like you, try taking a step back and giving your child less structure so that they still have boundaries, but they are free to make mistakes, innovate, and learn how to handle adversity on their own.
- Encourage Them to Experience Fear and Failure to Build Resiliency. – It’s critical that children not only experience failure but experience that even when they do fail, they will be safe and can get back up and try again. This teaches them not only resiliency but also sets the tone for a growth mindset which they will carry with them throughout their entire lives. It’s also important that kids learn how to acknowledge fear but take action anyway. This also builds resiliency and helps to prevent anxiety.
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[1] “What to Do if Your Child Is a Perfectionist | K-12 Schools | U.S. News.” US News & World Report, 2 Sept. 2022, www.usnews.com/education/k12/articles/what-to-do-if-your-child-is-a-perfectionist.