Kindness is a word we begin learning when we are very young. We’re taught concepts like The Golden Rule (treat others how you want to be treated). As we get older, we also learn that life isn’t fair and can be unkind. So when things happen to knock us down, perhaps we develop a little more of a gap between being guarded and being kind.

That confusion can lead to mental wellness imbalances. When you’re able to let your guard down enough to practice kindness—to others and to yourself—you will begin to see a boost in your mental health, which improves in positive and compassionate environments.

Here are two criteria that I want to establish before explaining how kindness helps with mental health:

1. You can be kind but also protect yourself from harm. This is critical. Always follow your intuition. We’ve seen story after story of strangers asking for help by telling incredible heartfelt stories. Sometimes those stories have a happy ending and sometimes they end in tragedy. How do you know the difference? Never, ever go against your intuition. If it feels funny or “off” don’t do it. You’re still a nice person and a good person even if you don’t help every single person who seeks your assistance.
2. Kindness is not sacrificing your safety to help someone. If you’re unsure if the kind act will put you into harm, don’t do it. If you’re going outside of your comfort zone to help someone because you want to be “a nice person,” don’t do it. There are lots of ways to be kind without putting yourself in harm’s way. I think this is especially true for people who don’t like to say “no” or who feel like they always have to be the hero.

Kindness doesn’t have to be an over-the-top or grand gesture to be beneficial. The positive effects of kindness on your brain can happen from something as simple opening a door for someone, allowing them merge into your lane while driving, saying “hello” with a smile and asking how their day is going, etc.

How kindness benefits mental health in your brain:

I’m currently listening to Dr. Wayne Dyer’s “The Secrets of The Power of Intention” on Audible. Among the infinite wisdom he shares, he speaks about the connection between kindness and serotonin production.

“It’s through giving that we receive; it’s through acts of kindness directed toward others that our immune systems are strengthened and even our serotonin levels increased!”

― Wayne W. Dyer

I also found this example of how serotonin boosts your mental health. There are tons of examples but I like how simply stated this is.

“Like most medical antidepressants, kindness stimulates the production of serotonin. This feel-good chemical heals your wounds, calms you down, and makes you happy!”

– Dartmouth College

3 ways that kindness between people helps mental health:

• The act of being kind to another person.

• Receiving kindness from another person.

• Observing kindness shared among other people.

Each of these scenarios can boost your serotonin levels, but there’s another way to gain the mental health benefits of kindness that doesn’t involve other people and yet is probably the most difficult to act on.

Extending kindness to yourself also boosts mental health.

The aforementioned acts involve other people. So, what do you think happens when you are kind to yourself and therefore the giver, the receiver, and the observer?

Self-talk is an act of kindness.

We are often critical of ourselves to such a degree that our negative self-talk is habitual. Everyone has things that he or she is not good at. Everyone fails. Some people are harder on themselves than others. Underneath the layers of our outside experiences is our relationship with ourselves, which is the most important relationship we can have because I believe that being kind to other people can only benefit you to the degree that you are at peace with yourself.

Here are a few self-talk affirmations you can use to extend kindness to yourself:

• I am doing the best that I can.
• I love myself enough to be accepting of who I really am.
• I respect myself enough to humbly ask for help when I need it.
• I am patient with my learning and growth.
• I do not compare my journey to anyone else’s.
• My path is perfectly paved for me.
• I have the right to be confident in who I am.
• It’s okay for me to take breaks when I need it.
• My timeline doesn’t have to match anyone else’s timeline.
• I give myself permission to say “no” to the things that may harm me.
• I freely create boundaries for the things I will not tolerate.
• I joyfully make it a habit to listen to myself first.
• I love myself, even more, when I make mistakes. I’m learning.
• I deserve to love myself.
• I have every right to be happy.

Do you struggle with kindness? Contact me about coaching.