Athletes are used to boundaries. After all, most every court, field, track, etc. has lines drawn on it that indicate when your inbound or out of bound. Even as a kid, you probably used markers like rocks, trees, hats, shoes, or whatever, to designate boundaries when playing a game with your friends. The key here is that these are points that you can see (or in some cases physically feel). In mental health coaching, we work on personal boundaries, but those lines can sometimes get blurred for the individual because they aren’t always so clearly laid out.

Why are personal boundaries important in mental health?

Boundaries are critical to mental health because they are critical in managing your emotions. For one, it’s imperative to learn how to not let people or other things you can’t control, dictate your happiness. Secondly, it’s also incredibly important to learn how to set boundaries with what you are willing or not willing to tolerate from yourself. Examples of this are negative self-talk or habitual unhealthy actions.

Boundaries are empowering. They give you a voice and establish that you respect yourself. You choose your response, rather than your emotions or that little voice that creates doubt, anger, or insecurity choosing for you.

Boundaries develop trust. You learn that you can trust yourself, but also you also learn that when someone respects your boundaries that you can trust them. You do not give up control, but you also do not assume all control.

What are boundaries not? Boundaries are not when you create guards or walls of defense that are actually more destructive because they cause you to internalize everything rather than asking for help.

Remember that boundaries improve your trust in yourself, but also your trust in others by establishing a commitment to self-care and self-respect (i.e., your needs, your voice, etc.). In short, boundaries help you develop self-respect and respect from others by looking at internal and external rules of what you will and won’t accept for the greater good of your mind, body, and soul.

How can you set personal boundaries in athlete mental health?

As an athlete, you train endlessly to work on ways to stay within the boundaries of your game as best as you can. However, in your life as an individual, it’s not always so easy to see or understand where your personal boundaries are, which means it can be a lot easier to ignore them. Nevertheless, even invisible boundaries take work. So, you will have to set the foundation, understand why the boundaries are important and do the work to keep them.

1. Map out your vision. – What do you want for your future? What is it that you want to resolve? How do you want to feel? Write down anything and everything. What do you need to change to reach these goals? This will help you begin to see where you might need to set boundaries.

2. Decide what your boundaries look like. – Read over your vision and think about what might be getting in the way of reaching that place. Again, it could be a thought pattern, it could be an emotion, it could be negative coping habits, it could be a destructive action or all sorts of things. Here are some examples:

• Maybe you need to set boundaries for your personal space.
• Maybe you need to change people-pleasing habits or insecurities.
• Maybe you need to stop allowing what other people say to get into your head.
• Maybe you need to stop beating yourself up when you make a mistake.
• Maybe you need to stop grabbing a drink every time you feel negative emotions.

Boundaries look different for everyone. The more aware you are, the more your boundaries will evolve.

3. Decide that you will make your new boundaries a habit. – Again, just like you have had to learn about boundaries in your sport, you’ll have to do the same in your life through purposeful repetition. Affirmations are a great tool because when you repeat them daily, you remind yourself of your new thought habits and align with them. In tough moments, you’ll have to walk yourself through reminding yourself about your vision, your boundaries, and that it takes time to develop them so it won’t be easy. Stay committed even when it’s tough.

4. Don’t argue about them. – There’s no ref or ump or other rule enforcers in your life, except for you. You don’t owe explanations. You don’t need to plea your case. You don’t even need to agonize over replays. You hold your own. So, when someone challenges your boundaries, you don’t have to explain. They are what you say they are whether verbally, emotionally, mentally, or through action.

5. Accept that boundaries are not without difficulty. – Just because you’ve claimed your boundary, that doesn’t mean that everything will be easy flowing. Sometimes things just won’t work out exactly the way you intended because one rule of life is that there are challenges in part because you can’t control what people do or say. That doesn’t mean you should abandon the habits you’re creating. Choose to see challenges instead as a learning opportunity where you can practice more of what it is you want to create in your life.

Want to work on this more? Contact me to learn more about athlete mental health coaching.