Ending a Relationship On Good Terms

“It’s okay if our relationship changes.”

These are the words that I heard during a business meeting last week. The gentleman I was speaking with had gone off on a tangent far beyond—or perhaps not too far beyond—our discussion about creating a bundle package for mutual clients.

As he monologued on, I tried to keep myself from sinking deeper into the plush blue chair, but then something he said caught my attention. He was going on about his life as a sales professional and a business owner when he turned to the topic of relationships. He began talking about people who he had worked with over long periods of time.

There were times when the existing agreement was no longer working because both parties had outgrown it. Yet, sometimes, people would hang on for fear of leaving what was otherwise a pleasant business relationship to go into the unknown of whatever was ahead.

“Some people just need to be validated and given permission,” he continued. “Maybe the relationship had run its course, but no one wanted to admit it. So, you just have to tell ‘em, ‘it’s okay.’ I’ll still be here and we’ll develop a different relationship once you’ve moved on. “Then,” he said matter of factly, “they are relieved, you see.” His eyes glistened as if he had just given me the gift of an a-ha moment, which he did. “They just need validation and permission. It’s good for everyone.”

He quickly transitioned to the next topic and began talking about our business agreement once more. For a moment, I wondered if this was a sales tactic of his, but I decided instead to take this new perspective and jot it down on my notepad.

I heard what he was saying about business relationships, but man, if I had just thought to do this in other relationships in my life, I could have saved myself some trouble.

When you’re someone who is highly sensitive, empathic, have anxiety, worried about hurting people, or scared of making the wrong decisions, ending a relationship can feel right and wrong all at the same time.

Here are a few points for ending a relationship on good terms:

• First, you have to give yourself permission to be honest about what you are really feeling, and then validate those feelings (i.e., don’t judge yourself for having them).
• Once you’re honest with yourself, you will have the gift of being on good terms with yourself, regardless of what happens with the other person or people.
• Imagine your life with a different relationship with this person. What feelings come up?
• While difficult conversations are just that, difficult, it’s okay. You can’t stop your life because you are more worried about hurting someone’s feelings than you are honoring your own feelings.
• You might not be able to control how the other person reacts, but either way, it will be okay.
• Write a list of points you want to make before having the conversation. This will help you stay on track.
• If the other person becomes upset, be kind but firm.
• Let them talk too. Sometimes, the most listening you do, the better.
• Offer to touch base with them again soon if you wish. However, do not make it sound like either of you owes anything to the other one or that the conversation is “to be continued.”

In my opinion, being true to yourself is one of the hardest things to do in life, but it is beyond rewarding. If you can be happy with yourself and the life you’ve created for yourself, there’s not much more you can ask.

Relationships can make that difficult, but you simply can’t live your entire life tip toeing around other people and comfort zones.