Why is it good to talk about mental health?

I was at a friend’s house the other night when one of the guys started talking about mental health. It didn’t start out as a direct conversation about the topic per se, but it quickly became one. Here’s what happened:

“I just heard that one of the directors of the hospital where I work committed suicide,” my friend said.

(Pausing here for a brief moment because many people are still unaware that the preferred term is “died by suicide.” Click here to read why that term is preferred.)

Another person quickly chimed in, “Well, I won’t be surprised if we hear soon that he was in some sort of trouble. That happened to my mom’s former employer. He got in big trouble and then took his own life.”

I stood there quietly for a couple of minutes observing this exchange. The topic of suicide is something that I don’t talk about presumptively because I know that the individual’s reasoning for wanting to end their life is often riddled with layers of what I call, “emotional blindness.” Meaning that it’s hard to see beyond whatever is consuming them, and chances are, it’s been plaguing the person for quite some time. In short, “get over it” and “toughen up” are useless phrases when the person is completely consumed by blinding pain and worry. I’m sorry to report, there’s no “on/off” switch for that kind of turmoil, which is what makes suicide such a devastating and plaguing issue.

I finally spoke, “You never really know what’s going on in someone’s mind.”

The first friend said, “Yes, that’s true. People can hide a lot.”

I agreed. “That’s what makes mental health problems so troubling. The person can often learn to hide them if they want to.”

The second guy jumped in, “Yeah, I have problems with anxiety. Sometimes it gets real bad and I can’t function.”

So, here we were. In a matter of moments, going from drawing assumptive conclusions that truthfully, are accepted as normal in our society, to admitting our own struggles with mental health.

All it took was for me to open that nonjudgmental door to let the people in the conversation feel safe talking about mental health.

Is it always that easy? No, it’s not. But, the more we talk about mental health issues in a supportive and non-judgmental way, the more we make it okay for others to open up.

Why is it good to talk about mental health?

“By not talking about mental health, we add to the stigma that surrounds it… Stigma also can lead to a reluctance to seek help or treatment. Nearly 20% of Americans will experience a mental illness in their lifetime. However, fewer than half of those who experience a mental illness will seek treatment. Mental illness is treatable, and people with mental illnesses can and do live fulfilling, productive, and happy lives. But the longer mental health conditions go untreated, the more severe they become.”

Mass.gov “Why do we need to talk about mental health?“

Imagine if someone you loved was silently suffering and didn’t feel safe opening up about that. How would that make you feel?

Everyone just wants to feel accepted, right? So, we can work hard, have fun and joke and all that, but there also has to be a balance of words and of a tone that says, “you know I’m here for you.”

This is something that coaches are constantly asking me about. “Misty, how do I support my players?”

“Two years ago when the son of a friend took his own life, Coach Brown gave an impassioned speech to his players about the need to come forward if they are hurting. In the locker room, linebacker Jake Lawler was listening.

After that meeting, Jake Lawler came in and said, ‘Coach, you saved my life.’ He said, ‘I was the guy sitting there thinking of doing something bad and you woke me up.’ It just reinforces the fact that you never know.” 

— Mack Brown, North Carolina Coach, as quoted in “ACC schools ramping up mental health services“

Not every team and organization has the resources to hire a full-time psychologist or other mental health professional. At a bare minimum, however, it’s important that coaches and personnel create a culture that feels safe. Granted, a locker room isn’t a therapist’s office, but it’s critical to establish a time and place that lets players know they can be heard. There are also many resources available so consider bringing in a mental health professional to speak to your team and provide resources such as learning materials to them. In summary, let them know it’s okay and give them access to the right support.

The takeaways:

1. Watch how you talk about mental health topics with your peers. They may silently be dealing with an issue, but embarrassed to talk about it, especially if they fear being ridiculed or labeled as weak or crazy.
2. It’s not enough to just say, “Let me know if you need anything.” Actively check-in on those who are having a rough time and just let them know that you’re there for them. Even if they seem to be okay, they might eventually feel safe talking to you because you’ve opened that door.
3. Share your struggles. It makes it okay for others to do the same.
4. Create a culture within your sports organization that makes it okay for players to share their struggles by giving them a time and a place to do so.

Need to have “the talk?” Contact me to learn more about I “hold space” for you as a coach.