Why internal conflict in making decisions is a good thing

Internal conflict over decision-making can keep a person stagnant, but it can also propel them forward. In big moments, or even little ones, people can feel conflicted between who they are and who they want to be.

What if I can’t do it

What if it doesn’t work out?

What if I make the wrong decision?

What if my choice hurts those around me?

I will have wasted massive amounts of time and resources with no back up plan.

Then what?

Choices led by fear and freedom

Fear and freedom are probably the two most conflicting factors in internal conflict.

• A fear of moving forward
• A fear of staying the same
• A fear of making the wrong decision
• A fear of asking for help
• A fear of failure
• A fear of losing everything
• A fear of ridicule
• A fear of not being good enough
• A fear of evolving
• Freedom from where you are and where you want to be
• Freedom from making decisions (and therefore staying right where you are)
• Freedom that will be allotted to you from growth
• Freedom in letting go and accepting things as they are and as they will be
• Freedom of choice
• Freedom of action
• Freedom of mindset

If you’ve ever felt an internal struggle in making a decision, you know what this feels like. Oftentimes, people think of making a decision as choosing option “A” or option “B,” but more often than not, there are options “C,” “D,” “E,” etc. that are also available and thus clouding judgment further.

How is this internal conflict a good thing?

Internal conflict is the internal navigation that shows you what is important to you. Because, if it weren’t important to you, you wouldn’t agonize over it.

Consider for a moment if there were no pain, then there could be no pleasure. (Look up Buddha’s eight worldly winds for more on this). And, without emotion, there could be no pain or pleasure.

I often talk about how emotions are a compass. When all else fails, mentally, physically, spiritually, it’s time to take a step back and look at what you’re feeling.

Think of your unchecked emotions as a navigation system that can take you all over the place through roads and cities without a final destination. You’re just traveling around all over the place. This is when it’s important to take a pause and use mind, body, and soul to recalibrate.

Using Internal Conflict to Move Forward

When you’re experiencing internal conflict, overthinking and it’s causing you anxiety or turmoil, at some point, you have to make a decision to make a decision and stick with it.

How can you do that? Ask yourself a few questions.

Before doing this exercise, I highly recommend going to a place where you can reflect. It may be a room in your house, a favorite spot near water, or wherever you find you have room to clear your mind and breathe.

Be open-minded. Whatever comes out is whatever comes out. Don’t judge it because judgment will you put you right back into the internal conflict emotional and thought whirlwind.

• Step 1: Acknowledge this is something that is important to you. If it weren’t, you would have moved on already. Don’t worry about why it’s important at this moment, just simple acknowledge that it is.
• Step 2: Make a list of pros and cons. Think of not just action-related items, but also related to emotional and spiritual items.
• Step 3: Ask yourself these three questions:
  • Important: Write the first answer that comes to you, no judging.
  • What do you really want?
  • What feels best to you?
  • What’s really the bottom line here?
• Step 4: Make a plan beginning with baby steps that you’ll take starting today. Include a plan for your mindset. Commit to it and be done with it.

Need more support moving forward? Ask me about setting up a coaching session.