NFL Season Reminds Us That Athlete Mental Health Sacrifices Are Unique and Often Misunderstood

Trigger Warning (TW): This article contains content about suicide and self-harm. Please engage in self-care as you read this article.

Athletes face specific mental health challenges that no one else can possibly understand. Recently, particularly in the NFL athlete mental health space, we’ve seen more of this on display. In the raw moments of tragedy, we unite as humans. It is in these moments when sport transitions from entertainment to life.

But for the athletes, this is their life. All day, every day. For them, it’s not entertainment. It is their lifestyle. There is an understanding between players in locker rooms and on the field. They know the code. They have a job doing something they are passionate about, a family to support, a contract to earn and keep, value to deliver, and a public persona to hold up, just to name a few.

It’s exhausting, and yet most of the time there’s no time to be tired or hurt, and even then, often no one who understands. There is a ginormous burden to carry on your shoulders. It can feel isolating at times. You’re at war in your own mind.

I am writing this on January 3, 2023. One day after the Monday Night Football incident that shall notoriously live in our memories forever. In this particularly gruesome NFL season, we have perhaps never been reminded more that athletes are humans. From the untimely passing of former players to Tua Tagovailoa’s recurring concussions to the incredibly tragic incident with Buffalo Bills safety Damar Hamlin.

(TW) But it doesn’t stop there. We’ve heard heartbreaking stories of college athletes taking their own lives at an alarming rate.

From mental illness to the day-to-day stress of being an elite athlete, it takes as much as it gives. It all seems like a bit too much. And, at what cost?

Physical ailments aside, teammates and their family members, the coaches, trainers, and staff, are all left on the sideline often feeling helpless, confused, and heartbroken. It’s an enormous amount to process in an industry that wants you to compartmentalize so that you get back to “play” AKA work.

This conversation has perhaps never been as important in recent memory as it has been following the Hamlin incident, which traumatized loved ones as well as many players, coaches, and staff. I would even say it significantly impacted everyone who has heard about the story. Athletes are human. Players are people. When it comes down to it, being human is what unites us.

When Kobe Bryant passed, it was a shocking tragedy to say the absolute least. But being that this happened during a primetime game, it feels different because it is the direct result of playing a game, and something we had not seen before.

To attempt to put this into perspective, here are just a couple of remarks that I found striking:

Leigh Steinberg, famed pro athlete agent wrote this on LinkedIn:

I watched ESPN as Ryan Clark shared what I presume sums up the thoughts of many players in an on-air conversation with Michael Eaves:

“The lives of Damar Hamlin and his family, the lives of the Buffalo Bills, the lives of the Cincinnati Bengals, are forever changed tonight in a split second. That’s how fast it can happen,” Clark said. “And so something that you always wanted to do with your entire life, something that you love, something that you said to everybody around you, I would give anything to have this – we saw Damar Hamlin do that.

“And all I can say thinking about those players, thinking about my reaction, listening to you try to answer or how to pose this question to me, Eaves, we were not ready for this. We were not prepared for this.”

Certainly, as in any tragedy, there is a ton to process mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When you watch a loved one suffer, you suffer. That’s part of the human experience.

Ironically, however, when you are suffering, you probably try to keep it to yourself. That’s part ego, but it’s also part not wanting to burden anyone else. You don’t want anyone to suffer at your expense.

(TW) That’s the thing about mental health problems. You’ll suffer in silence not wanting to be a burden or inconvenience to someone else. It’s one reason why so many people are tormented. It is also, in my opinion, one of the reasons a person might choose to take their own life. They might see no way out of the temporary pain. While some people might call this selfish, the person suffering might see it as a way of saving everyone around them from having to deal with their problems. It’s a truly vicious cycle.

Supporting Athletes’ Unique Mental Health Needs

For athletes, the model of peer group discussions is one that I believe can help propel us forward in our mental health care. Imagine if athletes had a safe place with their teammates where they could talk about their life, their fears, their insecurities, their motivations, etc.

Some of these conversations do take place, but to my understanding, it happens via individual relationships that the teammates develop organically outside of the locker room. Providing players with a set place at a specific time will provide a sense of consistency and safety where players can holistically address their inner emotional, mental, and spiritual needs. The beauty of doing it as a peer group is that the individuals will bond and won’t feel so alone.

Together, we can help elite athletes manage the pressures by learning how to address and release their inner stress. This proactive approach will be a step in caring for the whole person, not just the parts we can see. Taking care of your people is good for business, and it’s good for humanity.

(Read tips on Creating Emotionally Safe Spaces for Athletes here.)

The model right now largely relies on players to call support lines, reach out to in-house clinicians, or seek outside care. While those are tremendous strides compared to past years, now it’s time to make mental health a part of the culture by building trust and serving unique needs. Let’s work together to help human beings become the best complete versions of themselves.  

And, let’s hold one another up during incredibly difficult incidences by giving players permission to be human. Whatever their needs are, let us give them the grace to work through that, all judgments aside.

5 ways to work through your emotions after a tragedy:

1. Acknowledge and accept how you’re feeling. Sit with it. Allow it to be. Talk to yourself. “This is hard and I’m sorry. I hear you and I’m here for you.”
2. Release it in a healthy way. Talk to people. Write about it. Go for a meditative walk. Whatever comes up for you, honor that.
3. Speak with a professional even if you think it’s no big deal. Stop judging your thoughts and emotions. Get support so you can work through it the same as you would hire a trainer or nutritionist. A great place to start is Hall of Fame Health which offers confidential support for athletes and their loved ones. The HOFH concierge call line is (866) 404-HOFH and the HOFH Crisis Line is 866-901-1245.
4. Don’t play until you’re ready. You risk injury when you’re not focused.
5. Organize a peer group. Whether you’re a former player or current player, organize meetups to talk about things that matter among people who understand.

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Misty Buck is an athlete mental health and mindset coach, author, and speaker. She is also a coach and contributor to Hall of Fame Health, an affiliate of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Misty offers one-on-one and group programs. Contact her here.