Have you ever noticed someone who always seems to be busy? But not just any kind of busy, busy with “fluff stuff.” That’s the kind of stuff where someone says they are busy but there doesn’t seem to be a real purpose behind their activities. (Hint: it could be the person in the mirror.) In my coaching practice, I’ve seen a connection between mental wellness and busy work time and time again.
I talked about this concept in this Instagram video. I find that oftentimes we do things just to appease the part of our brain that tells us that we have to be busy. Sometimes that’s busy with physical action and sometimes that’s busy with overthinking. That signal may be the result of anxiety, it may be the result of wanting to ignore a bigger issue in your life, it may be the result of feeling lost, or who knows what else.
I’m sharing this because it’s pretty common. I’ve caught myself in this rabbit hole more than a time or two. When I am stressed and anxious with uncertainty, I lose my grounding and my brain takes over. I overcompensate in thinking and I overcompensate in feeling like I need to be doing more. All that happens is I waste a whole lot of energy.
Write this down: Am I busy with purpose or am I busy with distraction? Keep this note with you and refer to it throughout each day for the next week. Why? Because purposeful action is about more than reaching a goal. It’s about nurturing mental clarity.
Just for this week, try observing this in your own day-to-day life.
Once you’ve taken some time to evaluate your thoughts and actions, you can begin to correct them.
Busy work, mentally or physically, is nothing more than a bad habit. Even if you don’t realize you’re doing it or it doesn’t feel like you’re doing it on purpose. Unlike, for example, if you were a smoker and you consciously knew that smoking was a bad habit, being busy can really sneak up on you.
1. Amp up your “no” willpower. Learn to say “no” to yourself and to others. There are people out there who will tell you to say, “yes” to everything, but if you feel swamped and overwhelmed or you have a specific goal you really, really want to reach or you know that you’re distracting yourself from free time because it’s scary to have nothing to do, say “no.” There’s clearly something you need to focus on, so whatever it is, do that.
2. Remind yourself that stuff does not equal substance. In our society we value “more is more” and instantaneous results, but that’s an unhealthy mental habit of what I call, fluff stuff. What is substance to you? Is it peace of mind? Is it a particular goal? Is it healing something in your life? When you catch your thoughts on overdrive or you feel like you need to take on more, ask yourself, “Is this stuff or substance?” See what matches up and adjust accordingly.
3. Take a break before you break. Choose a safe phrase to help you do so. I know, I know. Sometimes just telling yourself to “stop” doesn’t cut it. I know how it feels to get into a mental battle with yourself between what you’re feeling and what you’re telling yourself to feel. You may feel like you want to stop the busy work thoughts, but it’s a habit that you’re used to and one that you developed because it makes you feel safe. One way to help curb a negative thought habit is to choose a safe phrase.
I’ll share an example…
I once coached a woman who had an issue with losing her temper while driving. She was afraid that it would cause her a major issue one day with another driver. Through our discussion, we discovered that one of the primary motivators for curbing this habit was that her nieces were often in the car with her. They had a cute nickname for her, “Smurfy,” which to the kids was a term of endearment but to my client, it carried far more significant weight in her place as a role model to these girls. So, we decided that when she felt like she was about to lose her temper, she would ask herself, “what would Smurfy do?”
You can use this same concept to remind yourself to slow down. The phrase can be whatever you want as long as it’s a significant enough of a reminder and a calming one. For example, when I’m not sure if I’m creating busy work or I’m feeling all over the place, I like to ask myself something like, “am I being the tortoise or the hare?” I also love sloths, which are notorious for their slow movement. I think they’re just really cool, calm, and collected so hey, why not take it down a notch like an adorable sloth. The point is whatever is a motivator to help you slow down and reevaluate your thoughts/actions, use that to your advantage.
Want to work on this more in your own life? Contact me about coaching.
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