Is focusing on being “extraordinary” bad for your mental health?

It’s healthy to have goals and to work on self-improvement. But, can being too focused on chasing extraordinary experiences hurt your mental health?

I’m watching the Brené Brown Netflix special called “The Call to Courage.” At about 53 minutes in, she talks about this very idea of chasing the extraordinary.

“I get so busy sometimes chasing the extraordinary moments, that I don’t pay attention to the ordinary moments. The moments, that if taken away, I would miss more than anything.”

– Brené Brown

This got me thinking about how much I do this in my own life and how much pressure its caused. I want to be special and help people just like Brené. I want to live an extraordinary life and truth be told, I want to be recognized for doing so. As spiritually aware as I am, I still want to be admired. (I’m cool with being honest about my ego. We all have one.)

And then I read this quote:

“When you accept yourself, the whole world accepts you.”

– Lao-Tzu

Well, damn.

Why are we so focused on chasing the extraordinary?

All humans want to be seen, heard, and validated. That’s one of the reasons that social media is so tremendously popular. It gives people a chance to “show off” their personality and showcase their life. This is me and this is who I am, I hope you like me.

But, why do we do it? Because we want to connect with people. That connection is one of the primary benefits of social media. One major downfall, however, is that we’re struggling more than ever to find ourselves. We are busy soaking in what other people are doing and we are more afraid than ever that we’re not doing enough or doing the right things.

It’s as if who we are isn’t enough if it doesn’t equate to likes on social media or if our story doesn’t quite match up to our peers. This brings me back to the extraordinary epidemic.

It constantly chasing the extraordinary hurting our mental health?

Being overly focused on being extraordinary and doing extraordinary things robs us of the enjoyment of the little day-to-day things that makes life so precious.

Most of us are so committed to chasing extraordinary moments and pining for more, that we’re missing the very essence of our lives. It’s giving us extreme stress, anxiety, and even depression. We’re trying to do more and be more, and at the same time feel like we’re not enough. It is taking a toll on mental health.

Our egos are driving us while our spirits sit in the backseat. We’re looking so far ahead at destinations beyond our sight that we’re missing the whole view that’s in front of us right now.

We are wandering around thinking that our purpose has to be some big magical in-your-face event. It doesn’t.

Do what feels meaningful to you with the people that matter. That’s purpose.

The enjoyment of average moments is the extraordinary fulfillment that we’re missing and it’s right in front of our faces.

I’ll give you an example. I bust my ass at work all day long. I essentially own two businesses, a marketing agency and this blog site. I also have other commitments including a strict fitness schedule. Sometimes it’s hard to turn my brain off at the end of the day. Most of the time it all feels like a blur.

I bug myself all day long, sometimes all night long too, with thoughts of, “what else can I do?”

Last night I was in bed watching TV with my husband, cuddled up with our two dogs. One of them was gassy (please excuse this crass example), which made my husband and I crack up because she was just as surprised as we were. And then I looked over at him and I really looked at his face. This is my blessed life. One day, we’ll be old and wrinkly and I’ll wish I could see our young faces once more. The thought of that change didn’t give me anxiety, but rather it reminded me to soak it all in and memorize the little moments that matter because when my time is up, those are the kind of moments that I want to remember.

My real life, the day-to-day ins and outs, means the most to me. Making people feel good and in turn, feeling the love from the amazing people (and pets) I surround myself with make up my purpose.

Any moment where I feel like I get to be 100% authentically me, even if no one else is around, that’s serving my purpose.

So I say to any of my fellow friends, who are overly chasing extraordinary moments or feeling self-conscious for having an average life or waiting for some big a-ha moment to change everything, take a moment to celebrate the ordinary memories in the making that make your life remarkable.

Whatever your goals are, whatever you’re doing in your life, ask yourself this question: is this meaningful to me? If the answer is, “yes,” remind yourself to enjoy your extraordinary journey independent of the opinions of other people and your own personal judgments.  

Even with its imperfections, your life is an incredible adventure created just for you. If that uniqueness isn’t incredible, I don’t know what is.

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