How Achievement Drove Me to Be Overly Critical of Myself

Are you ever hard on yourself? I am guilty of being overly critical of myself. I put a lot of pressure on myself, sometimes without even realizing it.

I took a motivation test a few months back and the results said I was driven by achievement. That took me by surprise at first because I never really considered “achievement” as something that drives me.

But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was an accurate assessment. Here’s why:

On any given day I’m putting in effort in multiple areas, including fitness, managing my marketing agency, running my coaching business, serving in the community, and being a present and loving member of my family. There are goals within each of these efforts that I work towards every single day.

Here’s the a-ha moment in being overly critical of myself.

I recently took about a week off but when I got back to my routine, I felt sad, almost depressed. It felt like a vacation hangover. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was actually mad at myself for taking a break and feeling guilty that I might have actually gone backward in my progress.

This realization hit on my first morning back in the gym. One of the sets that my trainer asked me to do involved deadlifts. The last time I did deadlifts a couple of weeks prior to this, I used a 100 lb. barbell. Today, since I hadn’t worked out in a week, he had me use an 80 lb. barbell.  I thought this was a smart strategy, but in the back of my mind, I was worried that I was going backward instead of making progress.

Well, I finished my set as an older woman walked by. She is overweight but she is there every single day. I am so inspired by her. She moves slowly, but she moves even on days when she doesn’t feel great and her progress is showing. Anyhow, as she walked by me she said, “wow, I’m so impressed that you just did that with an 80 lb barbell.”

I smiled behind my mask, which we’re required to wear in the facility, and thanked her. It struck me at that moment, that here I am upset with myself while this woman, who fights every day for her fitness, is admiring my strength. 

At that moment, I discovered that by being motivated by achievement, I’m also sometimes unrealistic in the expectations that I put on myself. I don’t live easy breezy. Every minute of my day serves a purpose. I really do thrive on making things happen and seeing progress, which means that when things aren’t moving forward, I am upset with myself. It’s an ego issue that I’m working on.

Is this the only reason that I’m overly critical of myself? Absolutely not. But it is a clue and every little bit of self-understanding and awareness helps a person develop.

The lessons here are:

• While you’re busy being overly critical of yourself, someone is admiring your strength.
• Figure out what you’re motivated by so you can understand both the strengths and the weaknesses in it.
• Just because you’re moving slowly doesn’t mean you’re not moving at all. Keep going and celebrate the baby steps.

These little depths of exploration in your knowledge of self can make a major impact on your mental health. Uncovering them and then tweaking them is critical in understanding your buttons and how they can be pushed, for better or for worse.

Want to work on this more? Check out these resources.