During a coaching call some time ago, a former basketball player confided in me that he felt depressed. He retired from playing his sport and was at peace with that decision, but something still didn’t feel right. He said that he knew he made the right choice to stop playing basketball, but playing ball was all he knew for many years. He didn’t know who he was anymore, and he felt both hopeless and confused. His sports compass was gone.
I’ve heard countless tales of similar stories. An athlete stops playing for one reason or another and struggles incredibly with the transition. More often than not, the athlete will say it’s because they don’t know who they are anymore. Sometimes, the person will come out of retirement or play another sport just to fill that void.
After sports retirement, uncertainty in your identity and depression is common.
“…during the process of giving up my desire to always win, I was depressed. This is because the feeling associated with giving up something loved—or at least something that is part of ourselves and familiar—is depression.”
– M. Scott Peck, M.D., The Road Less Traveled
Letting go of your sport can feel like you’re losing a part of yourself. And, when you love to compete, it’s not just the sport you’re giving up, but that special place where you can satisfy that want to win. It can feel empty. Who wouldn’t be saddened by that?
The lingering questions are, “what’s next?” and “who am I?”
4 ways to navigate your life after sports retirement
- Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Transition is normal throughout life. As a human, you’re going to go through periods of redefining and reinventing your life. Sometimes those changes are bigger than others, but it’s not unique to your life as an athlete. Change is uncomfortable, especially when you’re not sure of the direction that you’re traveling in. The key is to recognize that the journey is lifelong, and the discomfort of growth is inevitable, but not permanent. You will find your place again, but you have to keep trying. As my mom has always told me, “relationships expand and contract.”
- Go back to the basics. Get curious. As a kid, you probably played multiple sports before you settled on the one that you would focus on. So, now it’s time to go back to basics and explore your varying interests. What are the things outside of sports that you were interested in as a kid? Is there a class you always wanted to take? Are there seemingly random things popping up that pique your interest? Follow them and see where they take you.
- Ask around and look objectively. Talk to your friends, family, former teammates, coaches, etc., and ask them, “what do you think my talents are outside of sports?” Also, think about the types of problems that people come to you to help them solve. You may find an answer that leads to your next move.
- You’ve already survived 100% of your hardest days. This is one of my favorite sayings because it’s so true. You survived your hardest days and you will survive and thrive again. Choose to adopt a mindset of growth, even if it’s just for today. Every step, every day leads somewhere bright.
- Take care of your mental health. The line between feeling depressed and being diagnosed as depressed can seem blurred. Work with a mental health professional who can help you work through all of those thoughts and emotions. Working on your mental health is no different than working on improving or maintaining your physical health. Emotions are normal and no one says you have to deal with them all on your own. The transition after sports is hard. Go ahead and get the support you deserve.
- Get immediate help. If you are suicidal or in emotional distress, do not delay in getting help. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255). This is a confidential toll-free call to the nearest crisis center in the Lifeline national network. If you are in an emergency situation, call 911.
Keys to the game:
- In order to grow, you have to willing to let go of what no longer is serving you by opening up to new opportunities. Hanging on to the past won’t help you move forward.
- As a retired athlete, you don’t have to reinvent yourself and become a whole new person. You’re still you. It’s just time to grow.
- You don’t have to know the answers right now, but you can do things to find clarity. Move forward and take steps towards exploring different options, and see where that leads you. Don’t try to force anything. Be patient and allow the answer to come to you.
- It’s totally normal to feel sad when something ends. Try to not judge yourself, and instead have self-compassion. But, don’t let that keep you standing still. Allow yourself to feel your feelings, and vow to adopt a growth mindset to envision a bright future. Even if you don’t know exactly what that will look like, believe that it will be.
Are you preparing for life after sports or are you struggling as a retired athlete? Join a one-on-one VIP coaching program with me so you can unpack the heavy stuff and move forward with confidence.