The sting of a loss never sits within us with ease. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically, setbacks–particularly when we worked so hard to succeed–always seem to be coupled with an element of surprise and incredible dejection.
Whether your team lost the championship game, a relationship ended, you didn’t get drafted or the contract you wanted, your career ended, or another major loss, it might leave you asking “What now?”
What can you do when you gave it all you had, and it didn’t work out the way you envisioned?
What if you aren’t quite prepared to move on?
Reality is reality regardless of whether you agree with it or not. That’s a painful truth but one that is true for every human being. Still, we can choose elements of grit and grace to see us through.
“Success is never final. Failure is never fatal. It’s courage that counts”
– John Wooden
Perspective is a power we all possess. It is a difference-maker in the ongoing battle between the inner critic and the inner coach. Here are some perspective shifts for you to consider:
“You have no choices about how you lose, but you do have a choice about how you come back and prepare to win again.”
– Pat Riley
In the face of adversity, when grieving sets in, trust is perhaps the last thing on our minds.
While we may believe everything happens for a reason, we still want to know “why.” That’s human nature.
In good times and bad, the future is unknown. It is impossible to know what lies ahead.
What is known is that you have survived the biggest obstacles to date in your life, and you will do the same now. That doesn’t mean the process is comfortable.
You will torture yourself trying to make things make sense sometimes. The “what ifs” and “whys” can be painstakingly relentless.
You can instead focus on three things:
All you have now is the actions and mindset you choose in this moment. I am not telling you to “Walk it off” as I was so often told as a kid. What I’m saying is process what you need to process, and then allow yourself to move on in the face of all the unknowns.
Self-compassion isn’t just about feeling better; it actually helps you bounce back after a major loss.
Consider the results of this study:
“Higher levels of self-compassion are linked to increased feelings of happiness, optimism, curiosity and connectedness, as well as decreased anxiety, depression, rumination and fear of failure. While lay people often express the worry that if they are too self-compassionate, they will undermine their motivation or become self-indulgent, this does not appear to be the case.
Self-compassion involves the desire for the self’s health and well-being, and is associated with greater personal initiative to make needed changes in one’s life. Because self-compassionate individuals do not berate themselves when they fail, they are more able to admit mistakes, modify unproductive behaviors and take on new challenges.“
“There’s not a whole lot of opportunity to strengthen someone’s mentality without failure. So when their minds and bodies match up, it will take them a lot further than just their bodies because everybody gets tired and fatigued. What happens when you get tired and fatigued? Something else has to kick in, and that’s your habits and your mentality.”
– Dawn Staley
During times of difficulty, it is natural to focus on all of the variable factors and what the outcome of the situation might ultimately be. Here’s the thing: Whether things are going good or bad, the future will always be unknown. Instead of focusing on what could go wrong, do your best in the moment and remain open. Get curious. Go one step at a time and stay the course.
Accept that being human means having tough emotions and not having all the answers all of the time. It means losing, but also winning.
Grieve what you need to grieve.
Take one step forward, one at a time.
If you only take one step today, that’s still progress.
Action builds confidence, which aids in emotional healing.
Whether I’m officially your coach or not, I believe in your capabilities to succeed and overcome challenges. I hope you do too.
Want to learn more about how I help you unlock inner peace and unleash inner performance? Book a free consultation today! My program provides a safe space for confidential conversations where you are supported in creating inner peace and a performance mindset.
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