Athletes, Here’s Why You Should Stop Ignoring Your Emotions

Athletes are humans and so they have emotions, but not every athlete is good at acknowledging those feelings. Most of the athletes I know hold their emotions in because they feel like they don’t want to appear weak and also because they feel like they have to solve their problems on their own. It’s as if bearing all of the weight of their problems on their own shoulders is the noble thing to do. As a coach, what I inevitably find is that the things that weigh players down can easily get in the way of their athletic performance, their confidence, their happiness, their relationships, and their future.

Here’s why you want to stop ignoring your emotions: They are like a cheat code giving you information on something you need to acknowledge. You don’t need to hold onto them or let them overrun you, but they are trying to tell you something.

Why should you acknowledge your emotions?

• As an athlete, you understand the importance of energy, both physical and invisible. Well, emotions are energy and that energy has to go somewhere. Give that energy an outlet that works to your advantage.
• Stand on a strong ground by not letting your emotions consciously or unconsciously get the best of you.
• When you use your sport as your only emotional outlet, you don’t learn any other skills, which can be a major issue when your playing days are over.
• Become the best version of yourself by knowing your whole self, which helps not only you but those around you.
• Take preemptive action to prepare yourself for challenges and learn to avoid unnecessary confrontation. Don’t wait until you suffer losses to take these steps

One of the first barriers I help athletes overcome in mental health is acknowledging what they’re feeling. The challenge here is that most people are quick to judge or dismiss how they are feeling. Most people have also developed unhealthy habits in how they cope with their uncomfortable emotions.

Top barriers to emotional awareness for athletes.  

The emotional coping methods that I see most often are actually disruptive. These may feel like normal reactions, but they actually aren’t.

• Ignore – This is when you ignore what you’re feeling and push it to the back of your mind. You compartmentalize your emotions by burying them as if they aren’t real or telling yourself that it’s something you can deal with later.
• Retreat – This is when you go into hiding mode. You might cancel plans, sleep extra, and go into a cocoon waiting for the emotions to pass. Only then, can you go back to facing other people and the world around you.
• Explode – This is when you take uncomfortable emotions and express them through angry outbursts or mood swings. Your emotions are in control of your actions.

The common factor in all three of these scenarios is that you’re not acknowledging and releasing what you’re feeling. In addition, you’re much more likely to run into bigger problems at work, in your relationships, and in your overall life satisfaction because you don’t have a healthy relationship with your emotions. 

As I shared in the Athlete Mental Health Playbook, emotions are inevitable. As long as you’re human, you’ll have all kinds of feelings—sometimes they are comfortable and sometimes they aren’t. The key is to get comfortable being uncomfortable.

6 Steps to Acknowledging Your Emotions

1. Get quiet. – Find a quiet spot and take three to five deep, slow breaths allowing the exhale to be longer than the inhale.
2. Grant permission. – Give yourself permission to be real with yourself. Acknowledge that you are a human being and that there are no wrong emotions.
3. Scan your body. – What are you feeling in your body and where are you feeling it? Emotions almost always have physical cues. For example, anxiety or stress might also be accompanied by a stomachache.
4. Name your emotion. – If you had to name that emotion (or emotions) that you’re feeling, what would that be? For example, sadness, anger, confusion, frustration, guilt, shame, nervousness, insecurity, etc. (Having trouble naming your emotion? Check out this resource.)
5. Identify the cause. – This may not be a quick answer so definitely don’t overthink it or spend endless time spinning around in your thoughts trying to figure out why you feel something. There are lots of reasons that it might not come up right away. However, if you can identify what’s causing that feeling, go ahead and acknowledge that. If you can’t pinpoint what’s going on, give yourself permission to have that emotion without a reason. The point of this exercise is to become aware of what you’re feeling and validate that it’s perfectly okay to feel that way. Sometimes, simply acknowledging how you feel is enough to help it go away.
6. Allow it to be. – Notice and acknowledge what you’re feeling without judgment. Just sit with it. Give it space to be. Allow it to be heard. By doing this, you’re not giving it power over you, but rather, allowing it to exist and then change just like the weather might change. The more you allow it to be, the sooner it’ll start to disappear.

Keys to the game:

• Don’t judge it. – It can be uncomfortable to sit with your emotions. Don’t judge how you’re feeling, push it away, or grasp onto it. That actually just intensifies and prolongs the issue. Allow it to be. The longer you let it just be, the less intense the feeling becomes.
• Release it. – Try journaling about how you’re feeling or use an Emotional Freedom Technique (also known as EFT or tapping) to help process and release the emotion(s).
• Get support. – Every single person has a variety of emotions all day every day. So, we all have to find healthy ways to deal with them by getting to know ourselves better, healing, and learning coping skills. Find a mental health professional who can help you develop emotional awareness so you can learn how to move forward without holding yourself back. (And if you think you have it all together, great, but go back to the beginning of the article and read the three common coping mistakes. If you fit one of these scenarios, you could probably use some support.)

Want help releasing your emotions and learning healthy coping skills? Contact me to inquire about our group coaching, workshops, and one-on-one VIP Coaching programs.  

In a crisis or emergency? Don’t try to solve it on your own. Reach out for immediate help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 1-800-273-8255.