Are your comfort zones disruptive?

Comfort zones. It seems like they are more of a way into trouble than out of it. Even if you deeply dislike something, it is not uncommon to feel like it’s unequivocally easier to sit with that disdain than it is to change it. Why? Because it’s something you know and you’re familiar with and everything on the other side of that is, well, unknown. And, most people are afraid of the unknown.

Consequently, most people just sit with it for years trying to find a way to make a jagged-edged box fit into a peacefully rounded circle. Sooner or later, they’ll discover that it ain’t gonna happen. Upon this realization, some people will change and some people will keep trying to make a mismatch fit. I’m not judging either path. Timing is everything and change isn’t easy.

This is one of the reasons why mental health issues can be so troublesome. How do you break the patterns that you adapted to comfort you, even if they really aren’t doing you a whole lot of good?

For example, I had a conversation last week with someone who is trying to break through the barrier of internalizing things that she’s buried for many years. I also spoke with someone who is so afraid of missing an opportunity or letting someone down that he has a hard time saying, “no.” Subsequently, he can’t clearly understand and prioritize his needs.

These are just two examples of innumerable ways that people develop disruptive comfort zones to protect themselves—and I might add distract themselves. Sometimes, they are obvious and sometimes they’re not.

Spend some time this week observing your thoughts. See if you catch yourself reasoning either of these two scenarios in which you’re totally uncomfortable or it feels irrational.

– If I do ___________________ then __________________ will/won’t happen.

– If I don’t do ___________________ then _____________ will/won’t happen.

For example:

This: If I don’t go to the grocery store, then I won’t eat dinner.

Is not the same as…

This: If I don’t tell anyone that I’m feeling really sad and down, then no one will think I’m weak.

Also, observe when you are in completely in resistance to something that you say or do, but you do it anyway because it seems like the easier thing to do.

As another example:

This: Man, I don’t feel like going to work or to practice today.  

Is not the same as…

This: I really don’t want to talk to this person on the phone. They always make me feel horrible, but I’m supposed to be their friend so I feel like I have talk to them. I just don’t want to deal with the confrontation of telling them that I don’t have the energy to talk to them.

Giving yourself the space to reflect with exercises like the ones above can help you identify the places where you might be comfortably uncomfortable. Chances are that if something doesn’t feel aligned, then it’s not.

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