Emotions. We all have them. Sometimes they are simple and easy, and sometimes they are complex or just plain weird. Emotion management is an essential skill that we should all be taught yet it’s not something that is commonplace. Like at all. It amazes me because emotions can make the difference in mental health, in decision-making, and they can have major consequences. Yet, it’s something that we overlook when the reality is that they are an essential piece of our well-being, both physically and mentally.
Emotions are often one of the first places I explore when I’m working with an athlete or a professional as their mental health and performance coach. Emotion management is an essential skill that can help you navigate life’s challenges with grace and composure. It helps you learn to act less impulsively by gaining control over your reactions. Whether it’s dealing with stress, anger, sadness, anxiety, grief, or overwhelm, emotions are part of our lives so knowing how to manage them is a real advantage.
How Emotions Shape Us
As a mental health and performance coach, emotions inevitably are a part of the conversation.
I’ve worked with high-level professionals who were going through a difficult period in their careers and families.
I’ve supported highly-sensitive athletes who wanted to learn how to turn their emotions into a superpower.
I’ve worked with athletes who wanted to learn how to manage pre-game jitters and performance anxiety.
I’ve spoken with athletes who wanted to understand why their emotions swing during games, and how to control their reactions.
The same thing is true in every situation. Everyone has emotions, everyone has a story, and everyone can benefit from learning an individualized emotional management toolkit that helps them.
You just have to learn what works for you.
Is it Possible to Manage Your Emotions?
I’ve always been a sensitive person. I am also empathic. My feelings used to completely overwhelm me. I felt like I was drowning in them and that there was something wrong with me. It took me decades to learn that there wasn’t anything wrong with me. I just had to learn how to manage all those emotions.
Sometimes people think they have no control over their emotions. “But, it’s how I feel,” they’ll tell me. I will always validate how someone feels. Your experience is 100% your experience. That being said, you have the ability to manage and control your emotions.
When an emotion arises, you have the capability to decide what to do with them. You may not always choose your emotions, but you most certainly can choose your reaction and what you do with those emotions.
Over time, you can learn new ways of interpreting and managing your feelings. Your brain is equipped with something called neuroplasticity, which means that your brain can change, learn, and adapt at all times.
This is important because we might think that when it comes to our emotions, we are who we are, but we absolutely have the physical capability to change and adapt.
Identifying Your Emotions
One key to managing your emotions is to be able to name your feelings. Illustrations like this “Wheel of Emotions” help by providing labels for a variety of feelings.
By Machine Elf 1735 – Own work, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=13285286
Top 15 Emotion Management Tips
When I work with someone, I help them uncover and discover their emotions, and triggers, and guide them to come up with a personalized plan. However, there are some fundamental truths that I often share because regardless of an individual’s situation, the principles can shed new light and provide shifts as part of the process. From there, we can work on specific tools such as mindfulness, breathing, and more.
As we dig into this list, I encourage you to consider that emotions aren’t the problem. They are normal! In fact, I often think of emotions as a compass pointing us to what we need to learn.
Emotions aren’t the enemy. We just have to learn how to see them and interpret them in healthier ways.
Emotions don’t last forever. I’ve heard this phrased before as emotions are like clouds in the sky, or fish swimming by in the ocean. They come and go and they change. When you’re overwhelmed in the moment, remind yourself that the feeling is temporary.
You have emotions, but you are not your emotions. Usually when we say words like “I am” that signals to us that we are assuming whatever follows those two words as our identity. For example, “I am kind” is something that you are. So, when you say something like “I am angry” in a subtle way, you’re attaching yourself to the emotion. Next time you’re expressing your emotions say, “I feel _______,” which has a much more temporary tone.
Remind yourself of what’s real. Sometimes when we feel negative things, it’s because we’re reacting out of habit instead of what’s really happening. Take a few deep breaths to see if you can step back to see the situation for what it really is. Can you look at it another way? Then, see if you feel the same way.
Set a new intention. If you are going into a day or a situation where you know you usually end up feeling a certain way, set an intention to be open-minded. Approach the situation as if it’s something new rather than assuming from the get-go that it’s going to result in certain feelings or outcomes. Be intentional about your approach because you usually find what it is you’re looking for.
Find your middle ground. Don’t ignore or get carried away, by your emotions. Most people do one of these two things: They try to stuff their feelings down, or they get completely carried away by them. As George Mumford likes to remind us, “what you give your attention to grows, and what you resist persists.” The solution? Acknowledge your emotions without attaching yourself to them.
Tune into your body. Sometimes our emotions have physical symptoms. You might get a headache from stress, for example. Personally, when I feel anxiety, I often get a stomach ache or heaviness in my chest. You might feel the physical symptoms before you notice the emotion. That’s a clue that there might be something happening emotionally and in your nervous system, which can help you manage it faster.
Identify what’s yours vs what’s someone else’s AKA get off their crazy train. Sometimes, people have a way of drawing us into their feelingsby trying to push buttons so that you co-miserate with them. When you find yourself feeling negative like anger or overwhelmed after an interaction with a person, ask yourself if what you’re feeling is yours, or if it’s theirs. Sometimes, you might be able to step back and realize that you’re actually fine and your reaction is really about something that belongs to them, not you.
You are responsible for your peace, and it’s not up for a vote. Your emotions are your responsibility. Are you allowing the actions or reactions of others to disrupt your peace? Empower yourself to make decisions that align with your inner peace.
Evaluate if you’re taking something personally. Our egos want to keep us safe, so it’s normal to want to defend yourself, especially if something touches a nerve. However, it can be helpful to take a moment to think about how you’re interpreting something before reacting to it. For example, are you upset because you feel the need to be right? Did the person use a phrase that generally bothers you, and that is what set you off vs. what the person actually said? There are unlimited ways to view and interpret interactions. Ask yourself: Is it possible that I am taking this personally right now? Is there a way to be more open in this situation?
Focus on what’s in your control. Many times our ego and emotions pop off when we are in situations that we can not control. When you are upset and overwhelmed, take a moment to think about what you can control and what you can’t control. Acceptence of whatever it is that is not in your control can bring instant peace.
Don’t be afraid or ashamed of your feelings. Emotions can become bigger and even more stressful when we are afraid or ashamed of how we are feeling. Remind yourself that you’re just being human and that whatever is going on, you have the capacity to handle it. You’ll be okay.
Use your emotions to help you build confidence. Confidence is built through experience so every time you have an emotional experience, whether it’s ordinary or explosive, you’re learning. When you choose to notice how you’re feeling and you choose your response, this builds confidence through learning about yourself and the outcome. What can the emotions you’re feeling teach you?
Release them. Emotions are energy and that energy has to go somewhere. There are lots of different healthy ways that you can release them. You can talk about them, you can cry, you can vent, you can journal, etc.
You don’t have to believe your emotions. Emotions and thoughts are like stories. When you catch yourself feeling or thinking about something, you can change the story. It can feel tricky because your emotions and thoughts come from you, but you can change the narrative.
Consider emotions part of your mental fitness. When you’re working on your inner game, make emotions a part of your playbook. Consider them part of your mental fitness. This reframing can be helpful in confronting your vulnerability and discomfort that might arise. You likely do a lot for your physical health, or even your career development, so think of your emotions as one more piece that you can develop.
Remember, high performance isn’t just about effort—it’s about aligning your mindset with the outcomes you want. You’re more than just your role as an athlete, professional, or high-achiever—you have your own strengths, obstacles, and a personal story that matters. Contact us to learn more about our programs.